Grief Comes in Many Forms
It’s occurred to me how often I meet someone in the throes of grief, and it’s not just because they’ve recently lost a loved one. More often, it’s about losing someone slowly through a progressive disease, navigating a major life change, or entering a new chapter of life. Ask a new empty nester how they're feeling, and it’s almost certainly a mixed bag of emotions. As humans, we don’t thrive on loss. For most of us, the status quo is our comfort zone.
Dr. Ken Druck lost his 21-year-old daughter—a tragic life event that could easily catapult a person into lifelong grief. Instead, he chose to go on and dedicate his life’s work to helping others find a way forward through deep despair and grief.
We automatically think losing a loved one to death is the pinnacle of grief, and for some, that is true. But rarely do we talk about the many other ways people experience grief throughout their lives: losing a job, the end of a friendship, being forced to leave a home after 30 years, watching a loved one journey through dementia or another progressive disease, or seeing a child battle addiction or depression. Sometimes, the grief we experience while someone is still alive is the most difficult to get through.
It’s also the type of grief that is least recognized, so it doesn’t receive the attention or treatment it deserves. We learn to push through, but we aren’t truly thriving. No doubt this plays a role in why so many caregivers pass away before the person they are caring for, or why caregivers develop health concerns of their own, seemingly out of the blue.
When I interviewed Dr. Ken Druck, I asked him five questions about grief and aging.
1. Grief has taught me...
"To be truthful. 100% truthful with myself."
2. The strongest people I’ve met are...
"People who have given themselves permission to be human rather than act the part of somebody who is the perfect person."
3. One thing caregivers need to stop believing is...
"That it’s not ok to take an equal amount of time for their own care."
4. One thing every adult should tell their aging parent while they still can...
"Is everything they’ve ever done that you hold in gratitude."
5. What does better aging mean to you...
"Better aging means not allowing the numbers to dictate how old you are. Allowing the child to play for as long as you wish to play. Allowing the older part of you, not the old part, the older part of you permission to slow down when you need to, and to say, 'Naahhh, I don’t think I’m going to do that. I don’t think that is in my best interest in this season.'"
*To listen to the complete interview with Dr. Ken Druck, Get Ready for Better Aging
Jacqui Clark is a Certified Senior Advisor™ (CSA™) senior care consultant & placement agent with Living Coastal Senior Resources. She is the host of Get Ready for Better Aging podcast. She is an industry-leading expert on living and aging well, as well as a respected communications specialist. Jacqui@LivingCoastalSR.com www.ThisIsLivingWell.com